How to Quit Groveling for People’s Approval: Entrepreneur Therapy
Here’s something I’ve noticed in my practice as an entrepreneur therapist: most high-achieving entrepreneurs are validation junkies who have built entire businesses around getting other people’s approval.
The problem?
External validation is like financial leverage – it amplifies everything, including your professional burnout and eventual crash.
You can’t thrive personally or professionally when you’re dependent on external validation, and it’s a pretty weak foundation for a business.
Let me explain why you crave praise like a drug, why it’s hurting your business, and how entrepreneur therapy can turn it around.
The Real Problem With External Validation: Imposter Syndrome
So here’s the thing: external validation isn’t inherently bad (and neither is wanting it).
But it is unreliable infrastructure for your confidence, and it’s often the root cause of the imposter syndrome that plagues so many business owners.
Self-validation isn’t about chanting positive affirmations in the mirror (that’s performative bullshit, and if it was the key to success everyone would be a CEO by now).
It’s about becoming your own credible witness to your competence – otherwise you’ll only see yourself as others see you (or, more accurately, your projection of how they see you).
Building your professional identity on metrics that fluctuate (like other people’s approval) is a costly mistake.
When you mold your business (and your self-worth) around what others think, you essentially give them the foundation of your building – one they could snatch away or destroy at any time.
YOU have to be the one in charge of your self-worth, otherwise your business will crumble.
The Science Behind Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Through Internal Validation
Why is it so hard to break free of the chains of external validation? Because it feels so fucking good when we get it, that we keep crawling back for more.
This is what makes EMDR therapy and other therapeutic methods so effective – they literally rewire your brain’s reward system to recognize your own thorough assessment as trustworthy data. That’s why it’s uncomfortable, and may feel “fake” or forced at first – it goes against what you’ve learned for years, and requires new mental processing.
When you rely on external validation, you essentially train your brain to require approval from others as the primary signal that you’ve done something worthwhile.
Your brain can’t tell the difference between a dopamine hit from a client saying “great job” and a dopamine hit from you recognizing your own competence – the neurochemical reward is identical.
But internal validation is SO much better because it’s always available, and it doesn’t depend on other people’s moods, motives, or availability.
When you consistently practice self-validation, you’re literally strengthening the neural pathways that recognize your own judgment as credible information (and no, you won’t become a narcissist, but more on that below).
It’s the same as working out a muscle – the more you exercise, the stronger it gets. But, just like weight-lifting, it feels awkward and challenging when you’re brand-new to it because you’re working against years of conditioning.
Why Entrepreneur Therapy Focuses on Balance, Not Independence
Something that’s common with entrepreneurs practicing self-validation is the fear that they’ll swing too far in the opposite direction – like, if you only rely on/care about your own assessment of yourself and your business, won’t that make you kind of an asshole, and make your business suffer by not taking in valuable feedback?
Let me assure you as an experienced therapist for entrepreneurs, there is literally zero risk of that. Because validation isn’t some line with a middle ground you’re striving for, where you can swing too far one way or the other. Internal validation doesn’t reduce or eliminate your ability to receive feedback; it gives you a stable baseline from which to evaluate it.
The goal here isn’t to become validation-independent (that’s isolation). It’s to become validation-optional – meaning you can recognize your own competence while still being open to outside input. For example: you learn to differentiate constructive criticism (and trust yourself to know whether or not to implement it) from unhelpful judgments that hold no value (or your wacky inner critic’s nasty little voice).
Benefits of Online Business Therapy: The Internally Validated Entrepreneur
Here’s the counterintuitive truth: the entrepreneurs who appear most confident? They’re often the most externally dependent (and closest to professional burnout).
True internal validation might look quiet, unremarkable, and even a little boring from the outside. But it’s the distinction between needing to be the smartest person in the room and knowing you belong in the room.
So what difference does it make to your business when you learn to trust your own judgment, while remaining open to others’ assessments? Here are just a few:
- Internally validated entrepreneurs make faster decisions (because they’re not paralyzed by what other people might think)
- They pivot more effectively (because they’re not attached to external praise for old strategies, and they trust themselves to navigate change)
- They experience significantly less professional burnout (because their self-worth isn’t tied to external approval)
- They build more sustainable businesses (because they aren’t constantly chasing the next validation hit)
Building Internal Validation: Practical Exercises From an Entrepreneur Therapist
So how can you get started with training your brain to value internal validation more than external praise?
Of course, I recommend therapy for business owners as the best, most practical and efficient solution. Like I’ve said, this is long-term work – you’re unlearning years of conditioning and building up neural pathways. EMDR therapy can be especially effective for addressing the deeper patterns that contribute to imposter syndrome.
But there are a few exercises you can try for yourself to get started:
Exercise 1: The 2-Minute Debrief
- At the end of each workday, ask yourself: “What did I handle well today that no one else will notice?”
- Write it down – just one sentence, no fluff.
- This trains your brain to notice your own competence in real-time.
Exercise 2: The Imposter Syndrome Flip
- When you’re feeling like a fraud, ask: “What evidence do I have that I’m competent at this?”
- List 3 pieces of concrete evidence (not feelings, not what others said).
- This builds your internal evidence file (and is a cornerstone of overcoming imposter syndrome).
Exercise 3: The Boundary Audit
- Weekly check-in: “What did I say no to this week that felt uncomfortable but was right?”
- Track patterns – where do you cave to external pressure vs. trust your own judgment?
- This reveals where your validation system still needs work and gives you focus areas.
The Paradox
The more you validate yourself, the less you need others to do it – and, paradoxically, the more they will.
But by then, you won’t need it to function.
I challenge you to try the 2-minute debrief exercise above for one week. Notice what changes in your decision-making speed – I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
And if you’re ready to try therapy for business owners to do the deep work of reconfiguring your validation system, give me a shout. I’m an entrepreneur therapist in Portland, and I am licensed to provide online business therapy and EMDR therapy in Washington, Wisconsin, Colorado, Oregon, Arizona, and Florida.
Remember, a business built on external validation is always one bad review, one lost client, or one market shift away from collapse. You’re so much stronger than that – now prove it to yourself.
Give me a call and let’s get started today.