Conquer Fear Of Self-Promotion: Therapist Tips To Crush Cowardice
I’m going to let you in on a little secret: If people don’t dislike you, you’re not marketing correctly.
Read that again.
Yes, that means in order to promote your business effectively, you’re going to have to rock the boat a little.
And if you’re a people pleaser, you are probably sweating right now reading that.
But self-promotion is key to making your business thrive.
I mean, what do you want more: to be the successful entrepreneur you’ve always dreamed of becoming, or to keep every single person you’ve ever met happy?
Regardless of your answer, you’re in the right place.
Here’s what you need to know to stop being a coward, and how to overcome the fear of self-promotion.
The Price of Playing It Safe: What Your Fear of Self-Promotion Is Costing You
When you refuse to take risks and put yourself out there, you’re going to miss out.
Period.
Your fear of self-promotion causes lost opportunities and revenue. It makes you stagnant in both your personal and professional growth.
You’re basically stepping aside and inviting your competitors (the ones who aren’t afraid to market themselves) to swoop in and take what could be yours.
How else are potential clients going to hear about you, and why would they believe in you if you don’t even believe in yourself?
As a therapist in Portland, Oregon who primarily works with entrepreneurs, I’m telling you that you’ve got to shake that pesky self-doubt and reluctance to “sell yourself” if you want to succeed in the business world.
Why You’re Really Afraid (Hint: It’s Not What You Think)
You may think that your fear of self-promotion stems from a fear of rejection, right?
When you put yourself out there to potential clients or networking professionals you automatically give them the opportunity to turn you down. OUCH!
But, that’s only part of it…
Another reason you fear marketing yourself may be that you’re afraid of success.
I know, I know… You’re thinking, “Jennifer, that is ridiculous!”. And yet, it is incredibly common (and often hidden and buried, so it’s fucking sneaky).
Think about it – if your business is successful, it creates more work for you. You’ll have to expand your company, hire more employees, do more research, make more connections… the list goes on and on. And when you are already uncertain of yourself, burnt out, and overwhelmed, growing sounds like a damn nightmare.
Success is intimidating, and most of us prefer to stay in the cozy little bubble of what we know.
But that’s definitely not going to get you very far in the business world, and it isn’t going to get you to a place of comfort and stability, personally or professionally.
How to Get Over Yourself and Start Promoting Like a Boss
You want to know how to overcome the fear of self-promotion?
You’ve got to start by changing your mindset.
I’ll give you specific exercises in the next section, but first, I want you to reframe how you think about marketing yourself. And, because I got your back, I’ll tell you exactly how to do it:
Step 1: Consider self-promotion as a service
Think about it this way: you’re doing your potential clients a FAVOR by marketing yourself. They need what you’re offering, and how are they going to hear about you and your business if you don’t put yourself out there? And, if they don’t need your services, oh well – but when you blast out marketing emails to your target audience and shake a lot of hands at networking events, you’re bound to get some interest, and that’s what matters. There are people out there waiting to work with you – they just haven’t heard of you yet, and it’s up to you to fix that.
Step 2: Authentic brands don’t make you want to vomit
If you market yourself in a way that isn’t authentic to you, you’re not going to be successful, plain and simple. First of all, you’re setting yourself up to hate working every day if your brand is not aligned with your true self. Secondly, people can sniff out inauthenticity – if you’re not who you say you are or your brand doesn’t accurately represent you, they’ll know, and they won’t trust you or want to work with you. So, build a brand you love that reflects your truest, best self.
Step 3: Give no fucks and market yourself shamelessly
Because seriously, who cares, other than the people who want to work with you? And that is a good thing! People are too busy to sit around judging your social media, your website, your business card, or anything else. The only reason they’re looking into your business is because they want to work with you. And, if a few people can’t stand you or your approach, then that is perfect — you only want to work with people who want to work with you. You will never be everyone’s favorite flavor.
How to Overcome Your Fear of Self-Promotion: Exercises That Actually Work
Okay, so now you’ve started shifting your mindset around self-promotion, and you’re ready for the next level of conquering your fear.
I’ve got a few exercises to get you going.
I offer EMDR therapy in Portland, and I can promise you that these exercises really work for entrepreneurs – certainly better than other self-help bullshit like “mindful breathing” or “five minutes of meditation” (you can’t see me, but just know that I’m rolling my eyes).
Here are some exercises that’ll actually move the needle:
The Cringe Challenge: Post something slightly uncomfortable every day for a week. Whether it’s on LinkedIn, Instagram, your own website, or somewhere else, I know you’ve got some ideas for content you’ve been reluctant to share. Maybe you wonder what your old friends from high school will think about your personal story or a behind-the-scenes look at your work. But remember – NO ONE REALLY CARES except for you and the people who want to work with you, and those people want to know you better. So get vulnerable, publish that cringy post, and repeat for seven days. It’s liberating, builds your brand, and helps potential clients see the real you. It also builds your resilience to discomfort and imperfection.
The Brag Journal: I’m not talking about a regular journal where you write your thoughts, dreams, or whatever. This is a separate journal specifically for tracking your wins, no matter how small. Write down the things you accomplished every day – it sounds silly, but maybe even give yourself a little sticker or a similar reward to make it feel extra special. At the end of the week, share one of these wins publicly – again, no matter how small. This will help you see how much you’re actually succeeding, combat your imposter syndrome, and help you build the habit of self-promotion.
Tell Your (Invisible) Haters to Fuck Off: Imagine your worst critics and what negative things you think they could say about your self-promotion. You can even write them down if that helps. Now, respond to their objections – explain why you market the way you do, the positive results you’ve seen, or just plain tell them to fuck off (in your head, not IRL). This will help desensitize you to potential negative feedback, build confidence in your brand, and allow you to see how unlikely your fears are.
Set Off a Value Bomb: Create and share one piece of high-value content (a blog post, video, or podcast episode) that you’re slightly afraid to put out there. This should be content that you’d normally reserve for paying clients. Instead of giving free work to just one client as an example, you’re making your value available for everyone to see. BONUS: You can get feedback to help create your next project or tune up the current one, as well as continuing to build your emotional muscles for resilience and criticism.
Embrace the Discomfort or Get Left Behind
In today’s noisy market, blending in is a death sentence.
You’ve got to get out of your comfort zone if you want to make it – and that requires being bold, authentic, and unapologetic in your self-promotion.
It’s not about being an asshole or a braggart; it’s about being confident enough in your value to make sure the right people know about it.
The market doesn’t reward the meek – it rewards the bold who are willing to put themselves out there, again and again.
And if you need a little help with that, give me a shout.
I can help you overcome your fear of self-promotion to make your business thrive.
Let’s get you comfortable with being uncomfortable so you can be the self-marketing entrepreneur of your dreams!