Stop Forcing It: An Entrepreneur Therapist’s Guide to Networking Like a Human Being (Not a Walking Business Card)
That pit in your stomach before a networking event? That’s not weakness – that’s your nervous system screaming, “this feels fake as hell.”
Here’s the thing nobody tells you: traditional networking is broken, especially for overwhelmed entrepreneurs who are already running on fumes and facing professional burnout. But networking is still crucial to success as an entrepreneur or small business owner.
So, how can you do it without feeling like a fraud?
The key is authenticity: being your true self, and creating genuine connections with other people and companies that align with your brand’s values.
With this approach, you may surprise yourself and find that networking becomes one of your favorite parts of entrepreneurship – it’s so fulfilling and motivating to create genuine, heartfelt connections with like-minded people.
This shift in perspective is something I often explore with clients in therapy for entrepreneurs.
Obviously that’s easier said than done – so I’m going to dive a little deeper on what authenticity in networking really means, and give you some practical exercises you can use to make networking less of a drag.
Why Traditional Networking Makes You Want to Hide Under a Rock: Understanding Imposter Syndrome and Entrepreneur Burnout
You hear the word “networking” and your body automatically tenses. You’d rather pull out your fingernails with rusty pliers than face another schmoozing event or investor call.
It can be intimidating, boring, terrifying, forced, and all other euphemisms for “just plain not fun, and frankly fucking ick.”
You’re not alone – many (dare I say most?) people share this mindset about networking.
I’ve seen it time and time again as a therapist for entrepreneurs.
Here’s why:
- The “collect business cards like Pokemon” mentality is exhausting
You faced your fears and gave up your free time to attend yet another work event, and you were even “successful” – meaning you left with a bag full of business cards.
Now what?
A business card isn’t a real connection – hell, sometimes it’s just a tool to end a conversation.
This superficial approach can trigger imposter syndrome, making you feel like you’re playing a role rather than being authentic.
- When you’re already burned out, adding performative socializing feels like punishment
You’re already super busy and stressed to the max.
You don't have the time or energy to network – but you feel like you’ve got to do it to expand your business or get new clients.
But if you grow your business, you’ll only have even more work to do, which leaves even less time for networking…
See the problem here?
You’ve got to get off this hamster wheel. Business therapy can help you establish healthy boundaries & sustainable practices.
- The dirty secret: most “successful” networkers hate it too, they just hide it better
Let’s face it, unless you’re an extreme extrovert who is incredibly confident and has all the time and energy in the world (a.k.a. NOBODY), you probably don’t love networking.
Even the most outgoing person drags their feet when it comes to making work connections at times.
A lot of people are feeling the exact same way you do; they just don’t talk about it.
The next networking event you attend, remember, everyone there is probably just as anxious, tired, and intimidated as you are.
- Your networking anxiety isn’t a character flaw – it’s data telling you this approach sucks
You don’t need to change your entire personality and lifestyle to get better at networking.
You only need to change your approach.
If your current way of networking sends alarm signals through your body and makes you feel exhausted, it’s a clear signal that you need to do things a little differently.
In my work as an entrepreneur therapist, I help clients recognize these signals as valuable information rather than failings.
Keep reading and I’ll show you how.
The Real Talk About Sustainable Connection-Building
Perhaps the biggest problem with networking is that it feels forced and fake.
It sucks to plaster on a smile and shake hands with a bunch of strangers when inside you’re feeling so stressed and burnt out that you can barely remember anyone’s name, much less forge a genuine connection.
Here are a few tips I use in counseling for business owners to help shift your mindset around networking, so you can change your approach and make it feel like less of a chore:
Networking when you’re peopled-out is like exercising with a broken leg
If you’re already overwhelmed, socially exhausted, and dealing with professional burnout, the last thing you need to do is network. You won’t do yourself or your potential business contacts any favors by showing up as your worst self.
Yes, it’s okay to struggle sometimes and to show up as your authentic self, even when that self is a mess. But when you just straight-up don’t want to, and every cell in your body is crying out for a night on the couch with takeout and TV instead of attending yet another network event? Give in to what your body is telling you it needs.
Rest IS productive; it allows you to show up as a better version of yourself.
This is a key principle in entrepreneur therapy – honoring your needs rather than pushing through at all costs.
Give yourself permission to take time off from networking when you need it.
Remember, your energy is currency. Spend it wisely.
Stop trying to be “on” all the time; authenticity is magnetic and desperation repels
I know I just said not to force yourself to show up when you feel like shit.
But sometimes, it is best to show up to that networking event, even when you feel like a mess.
Here’s the distinction: do you WANT to go, you’re just feeling tired and cranky? Or can you not imagine anything worse than attending this event?
Trust your intuition – if it’s something you really want to do, go ahead and put in the effort to show up, exactly as you are.
Authenticity attracts the right kind of contacts – the ones who value you and your business exactly as they are, the ones who value authenticity and realness.
This approach helps combat imposter syndrome by allowing you to show up as your genuine self rather than a performance.
Quality over quantity isn’t just nice advice – it’s survival for overwhelmed brains
When it comes to business contacts and client relationships, more isn’t necessarily better. Instead of seeing how many business cards and phone numbers you can collect, focus on the connections that feel best to you.
Does the company you are considering collaborating with share your brand values? Is your contact person pleasant and motivating, or bullying and draining?
Pay attention to what your nervous system tells you about your different contacts, and trust your gut.
A few connections that truly align with you and your brand are far more valuable than a bunch of random connections you hardly know, or make you feel uncomfortable, or are out of step with your values.
It’s important that you actually feel good about the people you work with and, as an entrepreneur, you are actually in a position to pick and choose. This selective approach is a form of long-term support for your mental wellness as an entrepreneur.
The Anti-Networking Networking Strategy: EMDR Business Therapy Techniques
Besides the networking mindset tips above, I’ve also got a few practical exercises you can do to make networking easier.
These are simple practices that will change your approach to networking, making it less of a chore and more sustainable for your mental wellness and your business.
Some of these techniques draw from approaches I use in EMDR counseling and therapy for business owners:
1. Audit your energy patterns
Think about the last few networking opportunities you’ve had, whether it was a Zoom call, coffee with a client, or a big event – when did you feel like an actual human vs. a mindless zombie? Which ones made you check out mentally, and which ones engaged your interest and inspired you? If certain types of networking suck more than others, then it’s totally okay to take a step back from the draining ones and focus on the more uplifting, or at least slightly less sucky, forms of building connections. This self-awareness exercise is similar to techniques used in entrepreneur therapy to help identify patterns and triggers.
2. Pick ONE connection method that doesn’t make you want to die
Come on, I know you can find ONE. Whether it’s online communities, coffee chats, industry forums, or whatever, identify one form of networking that doesn’t make you feel like shit. Then, when you engage with your company’s Instagram followers or look for upcoming events to attend, you can feel good about the steps you’re taking to network, without dreading it.
3. Set boundaries that don’t make you feel like shit
Maybe you’re a “one meaningful conversation” person, not a “work the whole room” person – that’s great! You don’t have to master every form of connection to network effectively. If you prefer one-on-one chats to giving speeches, focus on that. Doing what you’re comfortable with is better than doing nothing at all, and it’s certainly better than forcing yourself to do something you hate day after day. After all, isn’t the fucking point of being an entrepreneur to love your work?
4. Follow up like you actually give a damn
Stop sending generic LinkedIn messages. You don’t have to follow the “rules” of networking – make your own rules! If you’d rather send a hand-written card than an email, do it! If you want to reach out to a potential client on social media and tell them how much you admire their work, then go for it! Do whatever feels most authentic to you, your communication style, and your brand values. That’s how you can network without feeling like a fraud and build meaningful, lasting connections.
5. Create value without performing
Instead of trying to blow away your potential business contact with your dazzling charm, make it your goal to provide them with some value – and be real. Share insights, make introductions, and be genuinely helpful. This will go a lot further than hollow laughs and empty compliments, and it feels a hell of a lot better, too.
Permission to Network Differently
You don’t need to fix your networking anxiety – you need to find networking that doesn’t create it in the first place.
Build connections that energize you instead of draining you.
Your business will grow faster when you stop forcing relationships and start cultivating them.
The best business connections aren’t made when you’re pretending to be someone else – they’re made when you’re brave enough to be yourself.
And if you need a little help figuring out how to network more comfortably or want to work through some root issues of social anxiety or imposter syndrome, I’m here for you.
I’m an entrepreneur therapist specializing in the intersection of professional coaching and mental health work.
I’m licensed to provide online business therapy and EMDR therapy in Washington, Wisconsin, Colorado, Oregon, Arizona, and Florida.
Together, we can conquer your networking anxiety and determine how to make it a meaningful, pleasant part of your job instead of a dreaded chore.